


Grey Matter

by unsentpromises



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service - Fandom
Genre: Android AU, Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Dialogue Heavy, M/M, Major Character Injury, Not Beta Read, Original Female Character - Archimedes, Original Female Character - Gwendolyn King, Permanent Injury, Pseudoscience, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-29 04:09:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5115293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsentpromises/pseuds/unsentpromises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following Harry's choice of duty over his heart to de-activate the android, Eggsy, he is forced to deal with the repercussions of that choice. But Harry Hart has chosen duty since his knighting. So Harry forges onwards as ever dutiful as he has always been with the shadow of what could have been at his heels to make peace with. </p><p>Then he forgets everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grey Matter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mitslits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitslits/gifts).



> This is a sequel piece. It is highly advised to read [Mech-Head](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5049580) by mitslits not only for the full effect of emotional impact but because you should read it.

 

There is no surprise Harry's request for the field assignment is denied given the recent compromise involving the UNWIN. While he is not surprised he is no less vexed. 

 

It's not just the aftermath of the "emotional duress" Merlin claims he was under, but Harry can't recall the last time he was at home for this length of time with no mission work to do. Be it preparations for an assignment or some kind of intelligence gathering. Two months at home had left him with restless energy and his only distraction is now gone. It had nothing to do with the new found emptiness of his home. The almost unnatural stillness that Harry had never paid any mind to before that was now suffocating.   


Harry has been spending as little time possible in his own flat. Which currently had landed him at the UK HQ shooting range. The first batch of reading material on the UNWIN being clipped up for his shooting target. It's childish but the files are confidential and he would need to shred them anyhow. Doing so with an entire box of ammunition rather than a paper shredder should be somewhat cathartic. Really Harry had half a mind to lob a grenade at them to both completely incinerate the paper and cause Merlin a bit of grief. But Harry could extend some self control. Plus the grenade would be much too quick even with the thickness of the reading material. 

 

After sending the target back to the end of the range Harry goes about filling the extra magazines he brought along. Feeding shells one by one into the magazine, making sure the springs are still providing the correct amount of resistance that will push each cartridge up. The motion is repetitive and soothing. The lip of each cartridge digs just slightly against his fingertips,something he is not longer sensitive to after years of handling bullets of this nature. Harry fills them all and lays them out for easy reach rather than putting on his belt or in his pockets as some do for quick reloading while shooting. This is not about speed. Harry rather intends to decimate the files at whatever pace he happens to do so at. 

 

The stock feels natural in his hand. Curve of his thumb resting under the tange that extends out to hold up against the recoil. His grip is sure and Harry levels the sights without difficulty. Taking a deep breath through his nose and releasing it slowly before pulling the trigger. He doesn't let up on his trigger finger enough to require the full pullback for each shot. It means more rapid shots, requiring he adjust his aim accordingly more quickly. 

 

Each bullet tears through the paper sending bits flying to flutter to the floor. Harry can't hear any of it with his earmuffs on. He can barely even hear the shots from the Winchester in his hand. It takes no time at all for the floor to be littered with bits of paper and the smell of gunpowder to fill the air around Harry. The pull, jerk, and release of the firearm offers a repetition that draws his focus. It's not difficult to keep his aim precise. It's only a small adjustment to expel one magazine to replace it with another. The slide and click satisfying in a meager way. 

 

Once the chamber holds open Harry lowers the barrel. The gun is empty, he can tell by the feel of it alone. But still he tilts the barrel down and away from himself to check to be certain there is nothing remaining. He can see the flat empty metal above the spring in the magazine and the empty barrel itself. With the open chamber facing upwards in clear view Harry sets the gun down to refill the magazines. He has the second briefing paperwork from the field testing he was expected to undergo with the android to work though. While he presses the shells against the spring to load them Harry looks at the frayed remains of his first target.

 

Even now it flutters where it hangs. It's uneven and riddled with uneven holes where large sections haven't been blown completely away. The bottom corners are scattered all over the floor. Harry's done a number on it. It's irreperable as it is. That suits Harry just fine. 

 

Would it be too petty of him to ask someone to deliver the box of the confetti to Merlin? Most likely but Harry hasn't much felt the need to consult with the man since his request for field work was denied, and that had been strictly a professional necessity. A grudge was not a gentlemanly thing to hold but Harry hadn't felt quite up to snuff for weeks. Motions were made most often, but with more frequency than Harry normally permitted himself, he forewent the expense of energy. Each smile tight and false. Each handshake quick and rigid. Fewer doors held, lone trips up flights to stairs to avoid elevators. Common decency could not be ignored but anything above that was not always an effort Harry found he could summon in recent days. 

 

Sending the second target back Harry pushed aside the revelations he had been trying to make peace with. Eggsy's presence in his life had highlighted precisely what it had been lacking. For years Harry had kept busy enough he hadn't been forced to examine his life too closely. Matters like companionship and personal relationships were petty when held up against saving the unknowing populace of the United Kingdom. Those fleeting moments of loneliness were easy to ignore when Harry could tell himself it was for the greater good. But now the excuse didn't feel like the coverall it had once been. Instead Harry was left with a duller world than he remembered.

 

The click of the magazine coming into place had Harry letting out his breath in a slow, steady stream between his lips. A quick tug, fingers mindful of any catches to pull the slide back to put a shell in the barrel. Then Harry only had to flick the safety off before bringing up his sights again. 

 

Three shots in the door leading into the range opened. Harry didn't bother to turn to look back at whoever had decided to join him. No one suspect should be on Kingsman grounds or there were bigger concerns than Harry not being mindful of his surroundings. They weren't wearing heels of any kind, instead there was the faint squeak of a trainer against the file floor. Not the usual choice for any of the agents, but some of the support and tech positions, however opted for such wear.

 

"How do you score yourself on those I wonder." 

 

Gwendolyn King was the head of the psychiatric support in the UK branch of Kingsman to Harry's knowledge. Though he heard she was also fairly well-respected in the whole European and Baltic branches as well. Official title of Dindrane upon her installment between Lancelot's knighting and Percival's. More informally she was called Guinevere. Though not so uncommonly called as much for both the ambition of the King line and her given name. 

 

Gwen was a fair-haired young-woman nearing thirty now. She usually wore excellently tailored clothing as she was expected to, though Harry had never seen her in a bespoke Kingsman issue suit. He did know, however, she had a pair of heels with both a hidden blade and titanium-alloy ligature. Today she wore an oversized sweater and a pair of jeans. Though she did not have her special heels on and Harry wouldn't doubt she could hide a fair arsenal under the bagginess of the sweater. 

 

"Afternoon Harry."

 

"Afternoon Gwendolyn." Harry at least lowered his pistol to give her a nod. 

 

She offered him a slight smile, looking at the swaying barely battered documents. "Do you think they'd let me do that to my paperwork?"

 

"Sadly, no."

 

"Pity." Gwen gestured to the empty booth beside him. "Mind if I did a little shooting myself? I haven't in longer than I should have."

 

Harry shook his head and turned back to his own target. Paying her only enough attention to track her taking one of the stocked Kingsman range pistols. The rattle of the ammunition box she carried as well over to the lane beside him. She was loading up while Harry sets his sights back down the end of the range. He was well aware she was not there for a bit of shooting but somehow it didn't bother him like he might have felt about others intruding upon his space. 

 

Therapy had been mandated for Harry and Gwen had been the last to take on his file. He'd joked about her having drawn the short-straw. She had said she'd volunteered when she heard about the incident upon her return to UK HQ. Harry hadn't seen much of her over the years but he'd known her when she had merely been Chester's granddaughter. Unlike his previous go-arounds Gwen hadn't pushed him to talk or tried manipulate him into corners. Instead she'd had the more patient approach to make it known she was there, was willing to listen, and that she was always available should Harry need her. Not that she let him skip on sessions even if they sat in silence. Those occasions she offered tea and made small talk whether Harry participated or not. Somehow even that wound Harry's nerves down from the tension that could build leading up to his sessions. 

 

Soon enough the pepper of a smaller caliber shots between his own sounded across the range. Harry did take a glance at her standard target. Neat little holes from the 9mm starting to appear. It made his own target look stranger by comparison. 

 

It didn't take long for Harry to make short work of the booklet of data. The mess it made not surprising. It did make Harry wonder where he could find a broom and dustbin to clean it up himself. It was only the responsible behavior given it was his mess. 

 

"Feeling any better?" Gwen asked, setting the pistol down. 

 

"Not particularly." Harry confessed. Glancing at her he noted she didn't seem to have her mind set on one answer being any better than the other.

 

"What prompted it?" She asked and removed her safety goggles. She wasn't wearing any Kingsman issue spectacles herself. Harry had his own on. 

 

Sitting at home he'd seen the piles in his office. Finally Harry hadn't been able to stomach looking at them any longer. How he had made the leap from being unable to see them sitting so innocently reminding him of his guilt to using them as target practice Harry wasn't certain. The idea had struck and stayed. He could have returned them but Harry hadn't set foot in the Technology department since being called to meet Gary. He didn't fancy returning either.

 

"They needed to be destroyed anyhow."

 

"Job done." Gwen said leaning over to look a bit closer at the mess of debris. "Did you want to talk, Harry?"

 

While he might have he also didn't. His thoughts weren't sorted even after a fortnight, Harry wanted more time to pull himself back to order. 

 

"Do you happen to know where I might find something to help clean this up?" Harry found himself asking instead.

 

Gwen nodded. "Yes. Would you like some help? There's a bit of it."

 

Somehow the offer seemed significant a gesture. "If it wouldn't be too much trouble."

 

"Many hands make for lighter work. I'll go get a broom and a pan. Should only take a moment. Would you mind picking up any stray casings you can spot?"

 

Harry didn't think to argue. It was simple enough and a task he'd have undergone anyhow. Tidying up was in their nature for one thing and it was expected of anyone using the range to clean up after themselves. 

 

While shooting it to bits hadn't helped his mood cleaning it up did. Somehow it felt more purposeful to sweep it away to be thrown into the rubbish. Something that served no purpose. Now it could be tossed away not to remind him again. But more than that Harry thought it was the first sign of getting back to business as usual. Moving on because Harry frankly had no other option but to do just that.

 

So with his jacket off and kneeling to hold the dust bin Harry found himself wondering if he wasn't starting to come back around from his funk. Telling himself it was just one more bump in the road of his experiences as an agent. 

  

* * *

 

 

Barely after the knock at her office door Merlin let himself in with long, quick strides. His mouth a thin line of displeasure, though the indicators were mild to differentiate it from his default stoic expression.  

 

Gwendolyn raised her attention from the files on her desk to regard the man. He looked slightly worse for wear as if he'd perhaps reconsidered once or twice on route to her office. Though she had an inkling on the nature of the visit she wasn't positive how the conversation would unfold itself. It would likely involve the raising of voices so Gwen was pleased to see he closed the door behind himself. Nosy agents were not something else she needed to concern herself with if she were about to square off against the wizard. She was a mere maid by comparison after all.

 

"Do you know what this is?" Merlin loomed over her desk holding out a manila folder.

 

For their height difference alone Gwen had to stand to take the file from him. She was a petite thing to the lean height Merlin offered. But Gwen settled back into her seat not worried about posturing so much as having no plans to be more uncomfortable than was required for this talk.

 

"It appears to be a grant to allow Galahad to change field handler signed by Arthur and myself." Gwen set the folder down on her desk and offered Merlin an honestly curious look. "What seems to be the matter with that?"

 

"I've been Harry's handler since the 1980's and there's a damn good reason for it." Merlin was gathering the wind into his sails to get going. Galahad's antics were well documents and the subject of more than a bit of gossip in two decades plus of service. Merlin had been there at his proverbial side for much of it.

 

Gwen nodded. "That seems to be part of the problem."

 

The statement seemed to have thrown Merlin off his original track. It offered Gwen a bit of time to explain her stance on the issue.

 

"You've done well by him for many years, no one doubts that. I don't think Harry doubts that either. What you've both had to do as a team involves far too much trust to leave that room for doubt. Had you both not been so compatible, one of you would not be in the position that you are today - be that professionally or personally." Gwen regarded him with some sympathy. "But after so long you both need a break from one another. Sometimes distance is the appropriate choice."

 

"You don't understand what the man will do. He'll push boundaries from day one with this new handler and get himself bloody killed!" 

 

It was the concern of it that made Gwen almost feel guilty. This was where it became too personal and less professional. For all their appreciation for doing the greater good Kingsman agents were all too close when not carefully monitored. Which could be for the good of the agents involved so long as the relationships remained healthy. But allowed to slip away from what was decidedly healthy for all parties and it became something of a mess.

 

"He isn't your responsibility."

 

Merlin's lips pressed together all the tighter making his expression pinch further upon itself. He looked incredibly sour standing there in his jumper looking so unassuming. And lacking his usual tablet. 

 

"He's my friend."

 

"Is he?" Gwen asked.

 

"What does that mean?"

 

"It means that I'm curious about your relationship. I've only heard from one perspective thus far and it's been strictly Harry. You've both known one another a number of years and associated for much of the time you've both actively been Kingsman agents. You both started out as professional associates who got along reasonably well. You used that level of connection to further both of your professional positions. Along the line it seems you both become more personally involved. But I have to ask in most recent years how much time do either of you spend together not working?"

 

Merlin looked like he wanted to bluster past the question. He did look away from Gwen's direct gaze. "We've both too much to do these days to be idle."

 

"Yes you are both workaholics of a very unhealthy and dependent level but let's leave that for another day. You two don't talk like you used to I imagine being so busy, do you?"

 

The silence she got in return was telling enough.

 

"I think you both need to step back and decide from this point what you want to do both on a professional and personal level. It is very possible you will be nothing more than colleagues moving forward." Gwen didn't stop there. "Harry needs the space and you need to give it to him otherwise I can guarantee that you will barely be co-workers."

 

That seemed to hold Merlin's attention. And it was the elephant in the room to blame. UNWIN testing and trials had continued onwards with the reprogrammed "Gary". It was not an issue that could be glossed over for Harry and Merlin was loathe to face down that bull. It was in every line of his posture in that moment.

 

"I didn't agree to let him be guided by someone else out of spite or personal motivation. It's what is best for both of you. Harry needs to resolve some of his anger toward you and you need to decide how you want to handle what you've done that's made him angry. And you also need to decide if you're prepared to be either his handler who will worry for his well being or his friend who will support him when he needs it."

 

Curiosity was perhaps one of Merlin's worst vices. "What I've done?"

 

Had she not known better herself she'd have thought him blameless. Or at the very least only doing what was reasonable per his position and responsibilities. But in preparation to actually help Harry Hart, Gwendolyn had spent a very significant amount of time looking into the UNWIN and the logs of Harry's time with the android. Not to mention reading up about the functionality of the android itself because appearances were frightfully deceptive. 

 

"Two months was all it took for you release the UNWIN after such a breach as you implied to Galahad on his feed? That seems unwise. In fact that seems highly unrealistic even with the means at your disposal. You're more cautious than that, especially with the safety of the agency and the free-world to consider." 

 

It was a soft handed accusation. 

 

Merlin positively bristled at the words. "And you're implying?"

 

"That you lied."

 

"We're a spy agency. We do what was must to assure that everyone's well being is in mind."

 

Gwen shook her head. "Harry is not a stupid man by any means. Do you think he really wouldn't have reached the conclusion I have? Especially when I don't doubt he's dwelled on the whole ordeal."

 

"I did what I had to. You've seen the logs for yourself he was developing an emotional attachment to the thing! What was I to do? Let it just continue on the way it was?" Merlin waved a hand out while he asked, appearing frazzled. 

 

"Please sit." 

 

For a minute Gwen almost thought he would ignore her out of spite or perhaps petulance. Instead Merlin dropped heavily into the chair across from her desk. 

 

"I was trying to stop him from doing more damage."

 

"I know you were." And she does. She'd seen Harry's slowly building affection for what was essentially an object, but perhaps they disagree on some of the finite points at the end of Eggsy's stay in the Hart household. "You thought you could treat it like a bandaid and just tear it away in a hurry. Minimize the pain. But I think you made a few grave miscalculations. Not to say your motivations were unkind."

 

Merlin just gave a wave of his hand to ask her to explain. His eyes are tired and he sunk further into his the plush comfort of his seat.

 

Gwen considered her words for a moment. She had him listening and she would like to avoid returning the air to the more explosive not he had entered on.

 

"He was the wrong agent to chose from the start."

 

The perplexed look she got left her to wait a moment for Merlin to explain his own confusion.

 

"Harry was perfectly capable of handling that level of intel gathering easily. While the information was a bit above his usual grade it wasn't beyond him to have a solid grasp of the working theory. Not that he didn't need a little assistance on that front."

 

"Yes I saw those manuals. Or what remained of them."

 

"Oh? He never returned them."

 

"No he blew them to bits with a .45 caliber on the range instead." Gwen could only shrug at his surprise to the statement. "I had your lackeys notify me when they saw the concerning behavior so I stepped in to have a chat with him. I wasn't kidding about his being angry. He doesn't even have someone he can justify directing the anger at. You and Delilah are his best choices for that and thus you've likely suffer the brunt of his wrath if anyone might. Or even the UNWIN...were he willing to be caught anywhere near it."

 

"The UNWIN?" Merlin had of course noticed his old friend's reluctance to come anywhere near either the R&D department or the Technology hub. 

 

"Yes. It's not Eggsy any longer. It's just a very bitter reminder."

 

Had they had the time and assets to spend on the UNWIN they might have been able to change the appearance. It would have been the kind thing to do but as it was they were behind in their testing. Forced to, in effect, start all over again thanks to the results Harry's watch had yielded. 

 

"I can see how that might come about when you put it like that."

 

Gwen nodded slowly and looked at the file on her desk. "So his anger needs working out. Don't imagine he's only angry with you or Delilah either. He's angry at himself for being essentially conned I imagine. But by the end the UNWIN was so human I...hesitate to strictly agree with the assessment your department made."

 

"Beg pardon?"

 

"That did not appear to be merely a pantomime of emotion. The whole truth of it might be well above my head but from the standpoint of anyone with experience dealing with socially stunted or asocial personalities...it doesn't fit. That or the forgery of it was quite the masterpiece."

 

Merlin snorted. "Nothing more than a conjecture. It's not capable of feelings."

 

"The learning capacities of the A.I. it is outfitted with might develop in a means you hadn't anticipated. Perhaps especially with Harry Hart as a template lets call it."

 

"Go on." 

 

"For all his defenses and paranoia Harry Hart is quite human. He's prideful but also has a surprising capacity for sympathy. His empathetic capabilities got a very good workout with Eggsy in his home. It was something like a refresher for Harry to be exposed to someone so earnest in the way Eggsy was. Defenseless and guileless at the start. It revitalized to a point Harry's perception of humanity and had him questioning it. You've seen Harry's ability to ignore the window dressings of persons he associates with and his feelings regarding treating people, as a whole, well. 

 

"I think that set up the chance for Eggsy to mirror that consideration Harry was experiencing. Humanity and its highlights. Though doubts and miscommunication seemed to do their share of education for Eggsy as well. The combination seemed to be right to create something I'm feeling slightly ill-equipped to qualify comfortably. If you were to ask me if Eggsy had developed a will of his own by the end of his stay I don't think I could give you an answer."

 

Merlin frowned, leaning forward in his seat. "The UNWIN cannot develop feelings. A certain level of sentience we anticipated but nothing...human so much as an awareness of certain societal mimicry." 

 

"I'd need to have spoken with Eggsy to really understand best." Gwen confessed. "And I think perhaps you should all more realistically consider the possibility the UNWIN might be able to outsmart you one day."

 

The hum from Merlin meant he would consider it. 

 

"And please consider the moral implications of what you should do should "Gary" develop himself a set of similar emotional issues as Eggsy did. Once can be a glitch but a second instance is nearing dangerously close to a pattern."

 

Running a hand over his face Merlin let out a gusty sigh. He was tired and worn and more than a little on edge. The UNWIN had been taking more out of him than he had realized. Between getting Harry to agree in the first place, to the realization of what was happening, to the emotional upset of the end of it. Wiping Eggsy who had thankfully not been reactivated and spare them the discomfort. Gary who had seemed soulless after observing Eggsy for weeks. 

 

Merlin had meant well with his lie. For Harry and for Eggsy. But he wasn't lacking in personal motivations either. It was a mess.

 

"Christ this is a mess."

 

"Life is terribly good at that." Gwen muttered with sympathy. "For what it is worth I'm willing to help you both if I'm able."

 

A grunt in reply. Gwen had heard worse.

 

"For now let Harry go. Let him back into the field as well."

 

Merlin's earlier prickly mood was returning for that. "He's not in the right state to be-"

 

Gwen held up a hand and frowned. "I'm not trying to get the man killed. He'd need to go through basic training with a new handler. It will give him something to focus on. Which he needs currently. And Harry needs to reaffirm he made the right choice when you told him to deactivate Eggsy. He chose duty and if you make that for nothing now..."

 

"Aye. I see what you mean." Merlin hadn't let himself think too closely about that one. For obvious reasons. 

 

"I wouldn't agree to let him go back into the field unless I thought he would be able to handle it. Harry may have an excellent poker face but I'm not here just for a place to kick my feet up."

 

"Not much I can do otherwise is there?"

 

"Besides simply make it harder on everyone involved? No." Gwen wouldn't bother to lie. Merlin didn't have the ability to override Arthur's decision. Even less so with her approval as well. The best chance Merlin would have had to keep Harry benched would be a psychiatric hold. A route Gwendolyn had closed off in her approval as head of the department.

 

For a few minutes Merlin just stayed in his seat turning over their conversation in his head. There were some merits he hadn't considered before, even if there were others he certainly disagreed with. The UNWIN being the greatest of them most likely. A machine was not capable of feelings. Perhaps no more than a very dumb pet even with a learning A.I.'s capabilities. 

 

Merlin did stand by his choice to stop the entire affair when he had. Harry didn't deserve that kind of lukewarm deal. Delilah hadn't had his stance on the subject and Merlin hadn't been willing to talk about it either. He'd rather made her agree to be silent about it. The subject dropped with a finality between them that would not be revisited.

 

"If I might make a recommendation going forward with Gary."

 

Nodding his assent Merlin waited.

 

"Percival would be a good candidate. His ability to compartmentalize would be in his favor. I don't think he'd be as thrown by the appearance either. More calculation to his methodology concerning mission work than compassion he could fall prey to."

 

"What about his niece?"

 

"She should be briefed about the fact Gary is not human, it wouldn't do for her to damage it by accident. But other than that I think it would be a good way to round out the UNWIN's ability to understand a normal person from say a Kingsman. A little normalcy in the mix."

 

"Not bad." Merlin confessed. He'd heard worse propositions. Though he was still debating the merit of involving a civilian, legacy or not.

 

"And perhaps Gary should come see me as he starts to develop further. Maybe from the start for better comparative data." 

 

"What about Harry?"

 

Gwen shook her head. "I'd continue to see Harry as the need demands. Hopefully he won't be needing me much longer. He's starting to get himself back in the right direction. But I will have definite recommendations for his future. I would also be making certain to avoid the chance of Harry and Gary ever seeing one another for...Harry's sake."

 

Pushing himself up from his seat Merlin regarded the smaller woman behind the desk. He didn't look pleased but he looked to be more open than when he first entered. 

 

Gwen held out the file to him. "My door is open and I'm quite willing for collaborative efforts."

 

"I believe we know where to find one another." Merlin said before taking his leave.


End file.
